Single me...what is it I want

Single me sure is silly. I walk through life with the vision of what I want and tell myself I will have it. But hello, when it is right in front of me.....ugh what a scary scary moment that is. Maybe I should not plan out how things should be and just go with what feels right. Hell I say it enough, time to live my words. Single me may not be the best player on the field, but I can hold my own.

Truth is we all have our wants and somewhere along the journey to obtain those wants, we loose sight of what we need. Woman are the worst when it comes to this and men, well they follow a very close second. For instance ladies, ask yourself  this question, " will a diamond ring ever compare to a sweet note on your pillow saying I love you?".  For me, the answer is an honest no. And men, does a night of kinky fun ever replace when she looks at you and says " Honey I need you". I am guessing not (although the kinky fun is really fun LOL). So what is it we really want, what is it that I want?

I took this thought and went with it. I made a list of wants and needs and what a list it was. Real eye opener for me and a reflection of whom I have become on this journey. If I were to and this list to a man I was dating, he would run scared. I looked at and went, how could anyone ever meet all these expectations of my happiness. That was when I opened these eyes and saw the light. So I took that list of mine and I tossed it in the trash where it belonged. No more wants and needs for me. I am going to just wing it, go with the flow, because up till this point nothing else has really taken me to that place of happiness I seek.

I look back at "my kind of perfect" and realize, not one thing he did that made me happy and feel the way I did (do) was on my list. Because of that, I have no regrets about my relationship with him, nor do I have one bad feeling towards him. No I would not turn back the clock or chase after the past, that is not what I am saying here. What I am saying is that happiness can't be found on a list we make. Whether that list is in your head or on a piece of scratch paper, get rid of it. Happiness is found in the heart and the air that we breath. It surrounds us everyday and can not be planned. There is no good time or bad time for it and it really never leaves you once you have it. Happiness is what we want and it is most surely what we need.  So live, laugh and do it again.

Single me on single me

Well I gave my single self a moment of silence (not a word friends) to take a look at me, well single me that is. Amazing what you can find out about yourself when you step back and take a good long look at your life and how it REALLY has progressed or transgressed. The latter of which is a bit harder to admit. So single me on me, where do I begin.

 I really have not a lot of points of reference under my skirt, but I was able to find faults and positives in myself through past review. For instance, my greatest joy in life is the creation of smiles. In most eyes, this is a big plus, but (yes there is a but) it also has a fault. The fault being, I tended to forget to create smiles for me. I would forget me completely in the happiness department, as long as he was smiling and happy all was good in life. The happiness of others should never come at the cost of our own happiness. So wow, what an initial awakening for me. I need that smile as much as he does.

Next, big positive to me, not so much for him.  Independence and ability to stand on my own. Guys may say they like it, but looking back, I think in a way they really like to be needed. Not to the point of us being incapable of doing anything without them, but the basics like "Honey, could you carry this in for me?" or the lovely Honey-do list is a great way to say I love you and need you. They may complain to their buddies, but they love it. Needing someone and being needy are two completely different things here ladies, so be careful how far you go with this.

My greatest discovery is with all my faults and believe me I have more, there really are some positives too. I am capable of loving with no restraint and I am confident in who I am both inside and out. I may be single me, but one day single him will come along that is a perfect fit for single me. Until then, I am okay with single me and I will live, laugh and do it again.

It can be different for everyone

Hey all single me here again. I got to thinking about this blog of mine and the thoughts I share on being single and dating. Did a little research online to see what else was out there and was amazed at all the blogs and articles on this subject. Each so very different and yet all with the same goal. Finding and holding on to that thing called love. Don't worry, I do believe in love, but still waiting patiently to feel it. This really got me thinking, because you know I felt I needed to evaluate how I put my thoughts out there. I would hate to have my thoughts be the cause of any ones heart break and I really think it could be now. You see, I discovered today that it is different for everyone. We all are unique, even in the smallest of mannerisms and patterns. We all have our own thoughts of what love will or does feel like. The only person who could even capture the truth of that emotion is the person you share it with.

I have put a lot of my thoughts out there on how I am and what attracts me to a certain man, but this is my way feeling and exploring this journey to what may or may not be love. I don't know to be honest, how I feel right now. I do know that I found a perfect happy and if I am blessed I will continue to have this in my life and keep it with me always. But I must tell you all that nothing you read here will help you or even guide you to your perfect happy or even love. You need to find it within yourself and know what it is that really sparks that feeling in you. It can not be directed or faked, it has to be natural and true. It really is best to go out there as yourself, whom ever you are and be yourself. If you don't like to wear a dress, don't pretend that you do. If you can't cook, say so. Believe me that old myth about men, is just that a myth. Let a man see you for who you really are and let the cards fall where they do. This goes the same for him. Men, don't fake who you really are for a woman. If you like to sit around and drink beer, pass gas, tell dirty jokes then do it. There are some woman that see past what some consider vulgar behavior and see you for who you are. I personally have met many men that can be so nasty, but would never make me feel dirty. And no woman wants to be a dirty girl.

So for all my single friends, sit down and realize who you are and what makes you feel good. When you have really done this, then go out into the world of dating and see if you can find what is right for you. It may not happen right away, some rights can end up wrong, but it will happen.  I can say from honest experience now, regardless of what tomorrow holds, I am so thankful for everyday I felt my happiness.

Live, laugh and do it again.

Finding my kind of perfect

Hello all, single me here. I have really had a rough couple days, dealing with myself. I will get to all that later. For now lets talk about "Finding my kind of perfect". Perfect, wow, such a small word to have such a powerful meaning. Do we ever really know what it is or where to find it? No, we don't and because of that, we miss our kind of perfect. Especially in the kind of my heart skips a bit every time I see you kind of perfect. We even miss the kind of perfect peace that we find as we lay our heads on their shoulder and breath in the warmth of them all around us.

I found my kind of perfect in a smile, not my own, but the one staring back at me when I would make him laugh. I found my kind of perfect in his eyes and the way he would look at me as if he were trying to hear my thoughts. I found my kind of perfect in a soft kiss that came and went so fast it seemed that I could not help but want more. And I found my kind of perfect in late night phone calls that could have went for hours but he would say softly, you need to sleep. You see I opened my eyes to not what my mind was thinking perfect was, but what my heart felt perfectly.  I never expected to be here and I don't even know where here is. This is where my statement "When it comes to matters of the heart, it does not matter", because nothing we do or say controls the heart and feeling that perfect. It can't be faked or made up or even manipulated, it simply has to be felt.

This is where I am and this is why I had to deal with myself, because I could go on for days about all the things I have learned from my world about guys and matters of the heart, but none of it can help me now. I am scared to death of how I am feeling right now and don't know how to deal with it. My kind of perfect is right in front of me and there is nothing I can do or say to make me his kind of perfect. Regardless of what happens tonight or tomorrow or any day after, at least I got the chance to feel my kind of perfect.

Live, laugh and do it again.